


Five Infinity Gems + 1 for the Road

by fresne



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Gen, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-11
Updated: 2018-05-11
Packaged: 2019-05-05 04:28:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 1,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14609331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fresne/pseuds/fresne
Summary: Five ways that Avengers: Infinity War could have gone, + 1 for the road.Which is to say, this story contains spoilers.





	1. Chapter 1

Shuri had always been a little more invested in the Zombie apocalypse scenario (freeze rays + sound waves + cute droids in bright colors = zombies be gone). But she'd run any number of table top exercises with Okoye for alien invasions. Wakanda was the most advanced nation on Earth. It only made sense that aliens would invade there first. That or China, as the most populous nations. 

So, when they brought her the sweet android with the gem in his head, she was ready to get past the table top. 

All her practice was about to pay off. 

Anyway, the aliens were funneled through a little zone that she liked to call, "Wakanda Gonna Kick Yo' Alien Ass." They were vaporized. 

She let her brother do the mop up. That way he could feel like he was doing something.

Also, she did a backup on Vision before she started messing with his operating procedure. It only made sense. 

She did a quick reroute of the power generated in the battlefield by the friendly (at least to Wakanda) alien flashing some sweet looking alien tech around to power up a hundred or so bodies for Vision, because that just made sense. 

Thanos killed a few. Picked up some paste jewelry. Whatever. The actual Vision was in sitting in her lab running his body doubles. 

What she found kind of funny is that Thanos kept turning Wakanda weapons fire into bubbles and butterflies. He didn't even notice the poison butterfly that landed on his ugly neck and turned his blood into bubbles.

Just like she'd trained.


	2. Chapter 2

Peter listened to Thanos explain his reason for wanting to destroy half the people in the universe and he just couldn't hold it in. He dropped out of his hiding place. "But Mr. Thanos, that's a classic Malthusian fallacy." 

They'd had that topic during debate prep a few months ago. MJ went on and on about it.

"What?" Thanos paused in mid-villainous monologue. 

"The kid's right," said Doctor Strange. 

"I do not know what Malthusian is, but my plan is no fallacy." Thanos raised his non-gloved hand. "They called me mad, but,"

"Your phallus is weak and pathetic," said the big tattooed dude. Peter had no idea what his name was. "Having no generative force."

Doctor Strange said, "He said fallacy. It's another word for stupid. He wasn't talking about Thanos' genitalia."

"Uh, what he said." Peter jumped a little farther away, just in case Mr. Stark was still planning on dropping something large and explosive on Thanos, "A Malthusian fallacy is where you predict doom based on one thing, but don't take other changes into account. If you're worried about resources, use your magic glove to improve farming."

"And provide adequate birth control," said Doctor Strange. "First year medical school debate material."

"Oh, are you really a Doctor?" asked Peter.

"Yes, for the last time, I am actually a Doctor and my last name is actually Strange," said Doctor Strange.

Thanos looked at his glove. 

Peter figured it was time to add more facts. "Anyway, the black plague wiped out tons of people in the middle ages. A few generations later, there were more people than ever. Unless you plan on living forever and doing this every few generations, eventually the populations will come back. So, what's the point?"

Thanos turned his wrist. "I do already have the Reality gem."

A few days later, Peter was in sex education class, where Mrs. Hurphman was teaching the class about how even though women had always had the ability to control when they became pregnant since the dawn of time, that didn't negate concerns about venereal diseases.

MJ ate a dried Thanos bean, terrible tasting, but perfect for supplying all the nutrients. "Cool."


	3. Chapter 3

Mantis perched on top of Thanos. "Hurry please. He is very strong." 

Tony tugged at the glove, but quickly realized that they just didn't have the leverage to get it off. Fortunately, he'd integrated a key component into every set of Iron Man armor.  
A multi-tool. 

Five quick snicks of the blade and the gems were off the glove. 

The kid was a champ, webbing the gems as they came free and slinging them to Doctor Strange, who magiced them into a pocket dimension or something. 

He got off the final gem when Doctor Strange opened a portal under Thanos. Total douche move that he didn't warn Mantis, but the kid grabbed her with a web her before she fell into what looked like a bottomless void.

"That is indeed a mighty weapon," said Drax. 

"Never leave the planet without one," said Tony, twirling his multitool.


	4. Chapter 4

Gamora looked up at her father. The man who had raised her. Tortured her. Killed her people. Killed her mother. Filled her with metal. Made her a killer. A monster. 

So this it seemed was his idea of love. A willingness to kill her.

The vile wraith behind them laughed at her astonishment.

She pulled out the knife that Thanos had given her so long ago. She said, "This was your first gift to me."

"It was my child," said her father. 

She placed her hand in his gloved hand. She smiled as she gazed up at him. Smiled as she sliced down, falling backwards holding her father's hand as she fell. 

If she landed on a bed of bubbles, what of it. She waved the gloved hand at her father and cauterized the wound before she left.

She at least would not be the death of the one she loved.


	5. Chapter 5

Stormbreaker hurtled through the air, striking exactly where Thor intended. Completely severing Thanos' arm from his body. 

Wanda, weeping for her fallen, picked up the arm and the glove attached to it and flew on red beams of energy away from the battlefield.

Thanos fell to his knees. "You should have aimed for my head."

"I don't know," said Thor. "It seemed pretty effective."

He watched as Thanos bled out from his wounds.


	6. Chapter 6

Loki considered telling Thor his plan as the vast battleship loomed above all that was left of the Asgarian people. 

But really, using the Tesseract to open a portal under everyone's feet, and dumping everyone head first onto that cliff in Norway was much funnier.

At least until Doctor Strange appeared and magiced Loki to fall into an abyss. 

Loki did not make the mistake of using the Tesseract to return to Earth after that. Far better to use it to return to Sakaar.

They made him their king within the week.


End file.
